Cats will kill us all
If you are a loyal reader of my blog– which all of you are mostly not, then you will notice two things about me and my blog:
1) my grammar sucks.
2) Not all things i wrote in my blog are true.
3) i have unhealthy obsession with cats.
4) all of you are secretly having a crush on me.
5) yes, i’m writing more than the “two things about me”.
Back to my topic, cats. They’re our enemies number one.
So today, kids, we’re going to study everything about cats. And like all good lesson, everything should begins with: What is a cat?
according to a William Webster Dictionary,
cat (n.) - has a face of an angel. But really, they are the spawn of Satan that directly works under the command of the Lucifer; Thus, this is perhaps the most acceptable reason why cats have nine lives, since they are classifed as a supernatural being. Nostradamus had long predicted that cats will rule the earth and enslave humanity. The Mayans are aware of this as well, they long foresee the event called the “doomsday” on 2012 where the faith of humanity is bleak and cats will first rule America and work towards destruction of the earth by first legalizing the gay marriage in America. Inevetably causing the destruction of America by meteor shower sent by the the wrath of Zeus–he depise homosexuality.
So, there you have it. A reliable definition of cat.
What else do you need to know about cats? uhmm… oh yeah, i think you have to know the different kind of cats:
An ordinary cat.
A Cat graduated from Hogwarts School for Wizards
A Japanese Cat
A Professional Snipper Cat
A Cartoon kitty with gun.
A Professional Shooter specialize in shooting-while-jumping Cat
And ofcourse, the most dangerous of all:
They all operated in different ways but they all have a common goal: To dominate the earth. So, don’t let those faces fooled you.
Again, DO NOT get those cute faces get into you. Because, just when you think that:
he would do this to you:
Oh yes, he’s the evil one.
So how do we kill cats? before they killed us?
ofcourse, use the guns and confront them first. In a perfect world guns are for sale everywhere. If not, then you die. Kill or be killed, it’s your choice.
But, you could also use a traditional methods, such as:
Yes, be prepared for anything. Evil Cat’s apocalypse will come really soon. 2012 to be exact. Lucky for you, i have a few copy-paste guides and tips which comes in handy to keep you to survive the evil cats’s apocalypse for a while should the time comes:
-When the cats rise to annihilate us all, the first thing you should do is get in your damn car and drive away to a safe place where no cats can possibly go: the inside of a volcano. Avoid the city at all costs. If you need food, you can eat one of your companions.
-When selecting a party of people to travel with you, be sure to pick out people that you think will taste delicious when you have to resort to cannibalism
-Next, you should keep your car stocked with the following items at all times, just to be prepared:
+ 9,000 pencils
+ Plenty of pornography
+ Designer clothes
+ Make-up
+ Dress clothes
+ 3 dozen bags of potato chips
+ Chess board with half the pieces missing
Now, since all societies will fall, none of the laws will apply. That means you can do anything you want. Therefore, you should probably eliminate all the people you don’t like, and by eliminate, I mean kill. I’m not gonna name any names, but we all know who I’m thinking of. “MM”!! “MM”!! “MM”!! (look at my FS profile under “who i want to meet” for more information.
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Another probable questions:
Q: Why do you hate cats so much?
A: What do you mean i hate cats? i Love ‘em so much!
Q: No. Really. Why do you hate ‘em?
A: Well, okay i gotta be honest with you. So one day i was playing with a cat. But suddenly she told me to get away from her. Ofcourse, our relationship would be just fine. But then she hurts my feelings…
Q: What do you mean she hurts your feelings?
A: She did this: 
Q: Really?
A: No.
Q: Argghh… i’m trying to be serious.
A: haha okay..okay … look at my previous post for the story.
People should read this.
Marika said this on October 28, 2008 at 8:58 pm