I Hate Cats
WARNING: Yes, this might be the worst post you ever read, complete with a perfect combo of having no plot, bad english grammar and sentence construction, poor narration and lack of exciting details that would attract you to finish reading this post. Beware, you’ve been warned.
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Yes, i hate cats. Well not you Tom, i love both you and Jerry, but i hate your kinds.
Why do i do this, you might wondering?*** simple. I’m out of ideas of what to type in my blog. And I hate poems that’s why i couldn’t post ‘em here. and i dislike people who revolves around me (notice how i use the word dislike instead of hate, that way it sounds better–Well, does it?)….so i wouldn’t type a gayish entries about a poem dedicated to love one or a tribute to my crush… Well, i might look like a people person outside this sad virtual world but i’m dying inside when i’m surrounded with a lot of people around me. Traggic isn’t it. . (*** you were’nt wondering were you? Oh, well)
Again, in case you forgot. I type the list of things that i hate:
i hate pink, i hate Monday, i hate the guy who often forgot to flushed his own dump in restroom in the library, there will be time when God will cast His judgement and punish him for all his evil doings, i hate AUP photocopy center…c’mon only 2 (well, 3 is max) out of 8 photocopy machine are used in a rush hour?, And i hate you for reading this.
Ahh isn’t it good when we type out the list of things we hate. Everybody should do it once in a while and send a hate note to the people they hate. What a lovely place the world will be if everybody send their hate note to their mother-in-law or that co-worker next to them.
Yea one day, i will make my own religion. Let’s say it’s called “Raymonism”, and i will dominate other religious beliefs and make a one world religion. In other words, i would dominate the earth mwahahahaha. I will set up a belief that Raymond Emmanuel Jouwena is the center of the universe, and i will make a doctrine that the reason you all live up until now is because you all still have my mercy. Then i requires everyone to watch Tom and Jerry or Bugs Bunny show every monday, tuesday, and wednesday….and everybody who wears pink shirt or even underwear should be beheaded…. and instead of sending a birthday card on his/her birthday… i will start a fashion that requires everyone to list up the things you hate about that birthday girl and send it to her. mwahahahaha… *evil smirk*
Uhh… i kin’da messing up with my own article uhhh sorry about that. Where were we? oh yea..
and speaking of the things i hate…..i hate cats…
Why?
well, its so happen when i have to search for a cat in my anatomy and physiology class to dissect and study cat’s internal organ. So i found one after a “2-hour search” with a complete lab partner that i’m assigned to and quite unfamiliar with.
i was hoping that i would get an extra credit— but no. My teacher treats me like a slave– no extra credit and i’m just wasting my time. So instead of ending up hating my teacher and his subjects… (i figured that i couldn’t do that..since he’s actually one of my fave teacher and that i don’t have a single evil traits in my soul….. )
i find a healthy alternative…. it would be better to hate cats, although they have done nothing wrong, except not appearing before me when i search for them and ending up scratching me with her filthy claws…ofcourse i do forgive her, since i’m ending up being the person responsible for killing her–yep! sometimes life just isn’t fair. And still i’m not guilty for killing cats… especially after i saw my teacher (he wasn’t wearing his surgical glove that time–i guess he just like to show off) cutting up her internal intestines and finds out the local residents lurking inside her body –worms. delicious. they look exactly like my ramen noodle that i just ate on my lunch time that afternoon.
Okay that’s my story why i hate cats.
If that’s not enough to convince you why cats are evil and having a cat is a big NO-NO. Here I WILL GIVE THEE THE REASONS:
1) Cat actually looks cute and fluffy. I admit that. And you owners of the cats might say that they’re the most angelic creature that have ever created. Well, yes they are. In front of you. but when you left your home her beastly instict is unleashed!! I happen to set up a hidden camera in 5 of these cat owner’s house. When the owners are around they look like this:
awww…. look at that! aren’t you the most cuddling creature ever created?
And statistic says that 5 out of 5 houses shows this pictures when nobody is around in their house:
what a-good-for-nothing corrupted creature!
2) And the second and the most important reason why you should hate cat is that they ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ruin a perfect and special moment. Yes, like these:
Yeah! that’s the reason.
And so as a visionary person i could foresee how these minions of cats would sometime in the future would dominate the earth. Ugghh you don’t want that to happen do you?
So i think we should raise a war against these creatures, and i wrote a letter to a congressman, here’s what i wrote:
Dear congressman,
I am an extremely sexy (huh?) person and have tons of dollars in my wallet as i wrote this letter (translation for idiotic congressman :that means that i am good looking and wealthy) which means that this letter is really really retardedly important.
I have discovered a secret plot that millions of cats are planning to take over the world while staying cute and fluffy. By now i think some of these cat informants would already know my identity and i think they would kill me soon as i shared to you this important information and as i’ve killed one of that secret cat’s society ally in Anaphy class. So you see, my life is hanging by a thread. To prove the seriousness of this matter i present you a picture of the proof of these cat’s evil plan: (Below is the picture of an obviously evil looking cat who had tormented me by watching an educational movie while i’m in their secret evil lair)
So here’s my suggestion, my dear congressman. I suggest that you prepared tons of guns for you guys to prepare this coming evil cat’s apocalypse… Get every law abiding citizen (yes, that includes the male, female, young, workers, students, and grandmas) at least one gun to protect him/herself from these cats. And you parents, don’t you worry, gun is perfectly save for toddlers. And you teachers, student naturally knows that guns are cool to have, so they would be carefull not to point those guns at your face. so don’t you worry about that. Besides what’s the worse that could happen if everybody has guns?
oh yeah…. that.
Love,
Ray.
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Probable questions:
Q: Wtf!?
A: WtF indeed!
Q: Cats?
A: Yes.
Q: This post wasn’t funny.
A: Your mom isn’t funny. In bed.
Q: I didn’t get it.
A: Good for you.
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